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movie review

2010-03-26T22:41:00.000-07:00

I just watched what I thought was an incredible movie. It was called "Motherhood", with Uma Thurman. I thought from the cover that it was going to be a lighthearted romantic comedy, but not so! It took place over a single day in the life of a young mother in Manhatten. So much happened in the span of just one day that it brought to mind one of my favorite authors, Virginia Woolf, and her masterpiece work, Mrs. Dalloway, which is an entire book that also takes place all within one day.

The other way in which the movie reminded me of Virginia Woolf's writing was that while there was a plot of sorts, it was definitely secondary to or even served the purpose of character development. The development of Eliza's character in particular was especially satisfying. This may be one way in which this movie veered away from Ms. Woolf's writing, because by the end of the day in the movie the main character, Eliza, had definitely grown and reached some sort of epiphany. Or, at the very least, she had come to accept her place in the world. I don't think it is too far fetched to say, however, that she had actually undergone a transformation, and it was definitely in a good way.

One of the side themes of the movie was that she was also a writer. And whereas I had intended to watch yet another movie when I was finished with it, since I seem to be in the midst of a movie marathon today, I was so inspired after watching it that I decided to write until I go to bed instead.

Perhaps one of the reasons I felt so inspired was because I have decided to participate in Script Frenzy during the month of April, which is an offshoot of National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo). I have taken part in Nanowrimo in November for the past four years now, and have written 3 1/2 50,000 word rough drafts for novels while doing so. The idea behind Script Frenzy is similar, but a bit more relaxed. The goal is to write a 100 page script during the month of April. I have an idea for a script which came from a dream actually, and currently exists in the form of a short story. So now I am going to take the plunge and try to turn it into a script, which is what I originally intended with it in any case. The point is, I guess watching what I think is a really good movie inspires me to try my hand at writing a movie script in the same way that reading a really good book or story inspires me to write the same.

Jasmine (novel excerpt)

2009-11-15T12:31:00.000-08:00

Ann was in need of the kind of comfort combined with conversation that only one person she knew of could provide. When she arrived on Muriel's doorstep, however, she was not immediately invited inside when her friend opened the front door.

"Who's your friend?" asked Muriel, motioning to the space immediately to Ann's left.

"You can see her?" asked Ann.

"Of course. And apparently, so can you. So, I repeat, who's your friend?"

"Her name is Jasmine," said Ann.

"And where did Jasmine come from?"

"That I don't know. We got interrupted the one time we were talking about it."

"I bet. But I need to know where she came from before she can come into my house."

The being in question was looking down at her fingernails. She was comely in appearance, as she was petite with dark hair in a pixie style haircut. Her clothing was also dark, and it was constructed out of some kind of wispy material.

"I'm waiting," said Muriel, crossing her arms and tapping her foot at the same time.

Ann turned to face her charge. "Sweetie," she started out, "can you tell my friend here where you are from?"

"No I can't," admitted Jasmine, "because I do not know the answer to that question, though I admit I have wondered about it often and hard myself."

Ann turned to Muriel and shrugged.

"Okay, let me ask you this, then," said Muriel. "You do realize that you are a supernatural being, do you not?"

Jasmine shook her head in the affirmative.

"And do you happen to know why you are here?"

Jasmine looked into Muriel's eyes then. What she saw seemed to reassure her, so she started speaking in what appeared to be a forthright manner.

"All I know," she said, "is that I am here to keep an eye on Ann."

"But who do report to?" asked Muriel.

"His name is Razael," she said.

"Well that doesn't tell us much," said Muriel, shaking her head. "So how do you check in with him?"

"We meet once a week," said Jasmine.

"Where?"

"Where he is."

"And you don't know exactly where that is, I take it?"

"No, I'm sorry."

"So how do you get there?"

"He sends a car for me."

"Well, you're just kind of clueless, aren't you?"

Jasmine shrugged, then looked down at her feet.

"Well, why don't both of you come on in, then," said Muriel. She looked at Ann meaningfully as they crossed the threshold.

Once inside, Jasmine seated herself in a big round chair, where she commenced to play with Muriel's cat. Ann followed Muriel into the kitchen to help her with the tea things.

"The way I figure it," said Muriel, getting out a tray and setting it on the counter, "if she really doesn't know whose side she's on, it probably isn't good. On the other hand, however, she probably can be converted to the other side."

"You can do that?" asked Ann with some surprise.

"I have seen it done, once or twice," said Muriel.

Once they had everything assembled, Muriel carried the tray with teapot, sugar, lemon, teacups, and napkins. Ann followed along behind her with a plate of cookies. Muriel served Jasmine first, then Ann, then herself. Jasmine looked from Muriel to Ann and back again to see what their agenda was. They all sipped in silence and nibbled at their cookies for a few minutes.

"Now then," said Muriel, setting her cup aside finally.

The others sighed in relief. But before Muriel could speak, they all heard what sounded like someone crashing into the roof. Muriel and Ann both jumped up and headed outside to investigate. Before they had gotten very far, however, a young man landed feet first on the front porch.

"Uh oh," said Muriel under her breath. "And who are you?" she asked the young man in full voice.

"I'm here for Jasmine," he announced, standing up very tall.

The truth was, he wasn't very tall. Just a little taller than Jasmine herself, in fact. Neither of them actually appeared to be completely full grown. He practically could have been Jasmine's twin in actual appearance. His hair was short and dark and somewhat tousled. He wore a dark shirt with a shiny black vest and baggy black pants. He was small and agile.

"Well, that doesn't exactly answer my question now, does it?" asked Muriel in her best school teacherly voice.

"No ma'am," admitted the young man.

"My name is Jebulin," he offered as Muriel continued to stare at him.

"Great," said Muriel in evident disgust. "Another ambiguous name."

"Jeb for short," he added.

"Where do you come from, then, Jeb?"

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that." Muriel stood on her front porch with arms crossed and her mouth set in a thin line.

"Well, Razael sent me."

"I just bet he did," said Muriel. "Well you can take a message back to Razael for me, then. Tell him Jasmine is with us, and she's not leaving until she's good and ready. And, from the looks of things," she said, glancing back into her living room where the young lady in question was still seated in the big round chair, and now that she was done with her tea and cookies, had resumed playing with Muriel's cat, "she's not ready."

The young man followed Muriel's glance toward Jasmine in the living room with something that looked like longing.

"Well?" said Muriel, tapping her foot now, "will that be all, or is there something else?"

"I was just wondering," said the young man, trailing off a bit.

"Yes? What were you wondering?" Muriel prompted.

"Well, I was wondering, what about Jasmine?"

"What about Jasmine?"

"Well, is she going to be all right?" he asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Of course she's going to be all right," said Muriel, continuing to tap her foot.

"But I mean," the young man persisted, "I mean, she is coming back, isn't she?" he burst out finally.

"Well," said Muriel, stopping her tapping now, "I think that remains to be seen, as
the answer to that question depends on Jasmine."

"You mean, I mean," the young man stuttered a bit.

"Yes?" inquired Muriel. "Spit it out, young man. We haven't got all day, you know."

"Right, well, I mean, she can do that?" he said finally.

"Do what, exactly?"

"Decide." he said. "Whether she is coming back."

"Of course she can," said Muriel, trying not to sound too impatient. "She's a free will agent," she said. "Just as you are," she added, looking at him meaningfully.
He just stood there, looking at her. Finally he spoke one more time.

"So can I come into your house, too," he asked, sounding wistful.

"That depends on your motives," said Muriel. "Are you still here to take Jasmine back with you?"

"Only if she wants to go," he said.

"All right then," said Muriel, opening her door. "Come right on in."

The two young ones actually hugged when Jeb walked into the room. Then Jasmine scooted over in the big round chair and made room for him. The cat jumped into his lap, and he started petting it with long, lazy strokes.

"Do I get cookies?" he asked, and everybody laughed. Muriel went into the kitchen to make a new pot of tea, and Ann followed her to get a new plate of cookies.
When they returned with the refreshments, Muriel gave them a few minutes to eat cookies and drink their tea, then she called the room to attention.

"So now we have a dilemma," Muriel announced. All eyes turned in her direction.

"What do you mean?" asked Ann.

"What I mean," said Muriel, "is that now some of those in this room have some decisions to make."

She turned and looked in Jasmine and Jeb's direction. They looked back at her.

"You two do know what I mean, don't you?" she asked them.

They both nodded.

"So what's it going to be, then?"

"We want to stay here," they chanted, practically in unison.

"So you want to change sides then?"

They both nodded again.

"Then we are going to need to call in reinforcements. Is that okay with both of you?"

"It is with me," said Jasmine.

"Me too," agreed Jeb.

"Okay then," said Muriel. "I hope you all are prepared for this, then. Because we are going to have ourselves a prayer meeting!"

An hour later it sounded like a herd of reindeer had landed on their roof. This time they all went outside to investigate. Four creatures landed on Muriel's front porch this time, feet first. They were very tall and very bright. Three of them looked like men, and one looked like a woman. The men all had blond hair, and the woman was a redhead.

They bowed at Muriel, and then one of the men spoke.

"May we come inside?" he asked.

"Of course," said Muriel.

They all trooped back into her living room. Everyone stood around in a loose circle, as there weren't enough chairs to go around. The one who had spoken before spoke again.

"My name is Remuel," he said. "Why don't we all introduce ourselves?"

So they went around the circle.

"I'm Muriel."

"I'm Ann."

"My name is Naboth," said one of the bright young men.

"I am Jared," said the second young man.

And my name is Jocelyn," said the female.

Remuel nodded at the two young ones then, as if letting them know that they could speak.

"I'm Jasmine."

"And I am Jebulin. Jeb for short."

"Now I need to ask you two a couple of very serious questions, said Remuel."

They nodded solemnly.

"Jasmine," he said, turning to speak to her first. "Do you renounce all contact with your master, who chooses to be called Razael? And do you renounce any allegiance to the one he serves?"

"Yes, I do," she said, nodding her head vigorously.

"And you, Jebulin, do you renounce any further contact with your master, who chooses to be known as Razael? And do you renounce any allegiance to the one he serves?"

"Yes. Yes, I do," said Jebulin, also nodding his head up and down several times in succession.

"Good," said Remuel, rubbing his hands together as if eager to get on with a job he was looking forward to now.

"And Jasmine and Jebulin, do you both agree to transfer your allegiance to our Creator, whom both I and all of these here with me serve?"

"Yes," the young duo said in unison now, "we do."

"All right then. I am going to leave Jared and Jocelyn here with you to help you out for a while. Is that all right with both of you?"

"Yes, yes!" they both agreed.

And so it was that Ann left Muriel's house that afternoon with four supernatural companions all her own (at least for a while.

birthday blues

2009-06-30T17:27:00.000-07:00

I think anyone who knows me well also knows that I tend to have issues on my birthday. So I thought I should comment on the fact that I made it through another birthday, & it wasn't too bad. Not perfect, but not too bad.

I spent the actual day getting away to the coast for a day by myself. And, short of being with the people I love, that was the second best thing. It was a beautiful day, & I spent it driving (which I love to do - call me crazy), reading (another favorite pastime), praying (something else I love doing), & just all around relaxing. And I had a really good day. The weather was close to ideal. And I really felt like I came closer than usual to connecting with the mind of God as I was praying/thinking/meditating.

Another highlight of this birthday was that a lot of people actually remembered me. I was with friends on Saturday who actually remembered & sang Happy Birthday to me. Plus I got 3 cards in the mail, & a surprise gift delivered at my local coffee shop!
And if I understand correctly, there may still be at least one more thing on the way!

So, not only can I not complain, but I am truly thankful for the people in my life who love & care about me, & remembered me on my birthday!

distractions

2009-06-08T19:34:00.001-07:00

I've had some personal issues going on this year that have proved to be somewhat distracting. But I just saw a program on OPB (while I was working) this weekend, & it was entitled No More Excuses. So I have decided to stop excusing myself from my regular writing activities, like blogging, just because of what is going on in my life.

In addition to my personal blog, I have a discipleship blog, which I used to write in on a regular basis, at least for a while. But then a big life stresser came along when my mom went into a nursing home, & subsequently died. And I haven't written in it since. (Well, only a couple of times). Thing is, she died a year ago. Granted, I have had some major life changes since then. But, well, you know, no more excuses.

And, wouldn't you know, I have been elected to lead a small ladies' Bible study starting next week! So, I think that should provide the material to get back to the discipleship blog. I might change the name of it - I haven't decided yet. Any suggestions?

The thing is, I feel called to be a full time writer. I have been working on some fiction stories, & just started something new that might turn into a novel that I may actually do something with. Rather than letting it sit mouldering with my other rough drafts, that is. And I have felt for some time that I need to do the blogging on a regular basis as well. Both a personal blog & a spiritual blog, which has so far been called "Discipleship blog". But I'm not positive if that is the best name for it. I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter to anyone but me. But, if anyone has any opinions on that title, either now or later, I'm open to em.

Oh yeah, as to the distractions. Well, I lost one of my jobs in January. Before that, I had been working 60 hours a week. So, based on what was going on with my health, as well as a desire to work into writing full time, I decided to stay with the remaining job, which cut my hours down to 30 a week. Problem was, I lost that job in March. Eventually, I got on unemployment. Then, finally, I got another job. But it was kind of rocky for me financially for about a month there. (I owe a debt of gratitude to the friends & family who helped me through that time).

As to the health thing, my thyroid medication was not working for me anymore, & so my thyroid was shutting down. Bottom line is, that makes it extremely difficult to function. My loving daughter-in-law, Genevieve, had given me a book on the subject, in which I learned that I probably needed to go on natural thyroid hormone instead of the synthetic kind I was on. Problem was, I couldn't find a doctor to prescribe it for me. The reason for that is that synthetic thyroid replacement hormone is newer, & easier to track with tests. The thing is, what the tests reveal is how much stored thyroid hormone is in the system, but not whether it is making it into the bloodstream & being utilized by the body. And that is the breakdown. If it isn't being converted into the kind of thyroid hormone that is actually used by the body, then your symptoms tell the story of a thyroid that is shutting down, but the tests don't support it. And the doctors don't like that.

Anyway, I did finally find a doctor who would prescribe the natural thyroid hormone medication for me, & I have been on it for almost a month. I had to start at a fairly low dose, since it is a shock to the body to suddenly have what it has been doing without apparently. I had to be careful because it can be hard on the heart otherwise. But even so, I am already feeling so much better! I am sure it helps that I can also afford all of the supplements that are suggested for my condition. Things like iron, & iodine, & B vitamins, & even cortisone for the damage done to the adrenal glands because of being without adequate thyroid hormone for so long.

I'm also able to afford to eat in such a way to support a healthy thyroid. All of this has helped enormously already, even though I haven't been doing any of it for very long. One way in which it helps to eat right is that I have a lot less aches & pains; & I think I am real close to being able to resume regular exercise again.

So, things are getting better. But maybe you can see how it has been distracting at times, and even all consuming at others. Nevertheless, I think I am done with excuses, & ready to get on with the rest of my life.

I just wanted to share this with those who care. So, if you are still reading this, thanks for being one of those.

Christmas 2008

2008-12-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

We're having a snow day here in Corvallis today. I am therefore sitting here in a coffee shop instead of going to work in Albany like I do most days. So I figured this is probably as good an opportunity as any to reminisce about this past year.

When the year 2008 began, I was still living in the trailer here in Corvallis with my mom. By February it was becoming obvious that she was not doing well, and after a trip to the emergency room toward the end of the month, she ended up getting released into a nursing home instead of coming back home. And as everyone pretty much knows, she was there for a little over three months, then passed away on June 16. And I was the one who got to be with her at the end. Her funeral was a week after she died, on June 23, which was also Joe's & Gen's first anniversary. (My friend Corina from Romania also had a little girl on that same day). Jeremy came back from his new home in Fort Scott, Kansas, to perform my mom's funeral service, and he did a great job helping everyone feel a little more relaxed while paying tribute to my mom's memory at the same time.

Meanwhile, Joseph's wife, Gen was on a mission trip to Uganda, which sounded like it went really well.

Also meanwhile, Amber and Rick had become engaged and were planning their wedding here in Corvallis, in hopes that Grandma could come. The ceremony was on August 3rd, so she didn't quite make it. A lot of other friends and relatives came, though, and it was a great wedding. Jeremy performed that ceremony as well, so he traveled here again to be with us for that. Oh yeah, and I got to make the dress. And Amber looked beautiful.

A few changes have come about for me since I am no longer living with and caring for my mom. I did sell the trailer and move out. I actually had to move twice, since the first place didn't work out. I also went back to work full time (I had been working about 25 hours a week, but now am working 45). I hope not to be in this particular line of work forever, but for now I am thankful for it.

In November I joined together with a growing group of aspiring authors through an organization called National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo) and wrote a rough draft for a short novel. I guess you could say that writing is what I really want to be doing as much as possible these days. I'm also working on getting a collection of short stories together.

Holiday day wise, I got to spend Thanksgiving with Joseph and Gen and her family in Portland. For Christmas I am going to be with Amber and Rick in Idaho. Wish me safe travels, as I am riding Greyhound, and the weather is starting to turn toward snow.

That pretty much wraps up my year. Hopefully I will hear from some of you as well, as I am interested in how things are going for all of you too!

Wishing you a blessed season,

Linda

some book & movie reviews

2008-12-11T17:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it. I read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies. I usually like most of the books I read quite a bit. Otherwise, why read them? But I'm not always sure if other people would appreciate them. For instance, one of the books I read this last year and liked was The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. She happens to be Russian, which was one of the reasons I enjoyed reading her. Plus she was an outspoken woman in a time when that probably was not very popular, and I admire and respect that. I won't say that I agree with everything she stands for, but I do like some of the things she says. She's kind of a romantic, in that she tends to write about her version of the ideal man. Plus I like that seems to stand for a standard of excellence rather than mediocrity, even (or especially) if that goes contrary to popular opinion. At least that seems to be what this particular book is about. I want to read more of her.

I also read Blonde by Joyce Carol Oates this year, which is her treatment of the story of Marilyn Monroe. Fascinating reading, and while i found some of what I expected I also came away with more respect for Marilyn Monroe than I had before. But again, whether other people would like the book, who can say? They would probably have to share at least some fascination with her legend going in, I would say.

As for movies, however, what actually prompted this particular blog was a movie I just saw and really liked, called Birds in America, with Matthew Perry. I tried it because I liked the preview, and the movie did deliver. The best way to put it is that it is about a disfunctional family. But it had a little different slant than usual, being mostly about some siblings - one who partly raised the other two. I really liked it a lot. Everyone in it is at least somewhat messed up, one way or the other. But it doesn't take all that to an absolute extreme, so there is some redemption to be had. There is one scene that I thought was a little over the top (you'll know when you see it if you watch it). Otherwise, though I would recommend this movie.

I can't think of any other actual movies that I would highly recommend right now (maybe I'm just not thinking of them). But I did see a few mini series this year that were pretty good. Californication, for one (definitely not for children or anyone who is at all squeamish about suggestive or explicit scenes). Also a couple by Spielberg - Taken & Band of Brothers. So, there you have it - sex, extra terrestrials & war. Hey, at least I like variety!

I guess that's all for now. Let me know if anyone actually reads this.

novel excerpt 08

2008-11-30T12:20:00.001-08:00

The young woman was walking along the shore in a distant land. Suddenly, she saw the image of a young man appear before her. He looked like he was from somewhere else. He had on loose clothing that looked like linen, and his feet were bare. He had long dark hair and a beard, and he had the bearing of royalty. Where he had come from she could not say. She had been out for her morning stroll, and her thoughts had been miles away. So she had not been paying complete attention, and may not have seen where he had come from. But she really could not see where that could be, since the weather was clear, and there was nothing within sight except the beach and the ocean for just about as far as the eye could see. There were mountains in the distance, of course, and of course the sun and the clouds. That was all. She watched to see what he would do. He seemed to be standing still and looking at something that was far off so far. As she got closer to him he finally seemed to register her presence. He still looked a little lost, so she stopped to check on him.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He looked at her as if he didn't understand.

"Do you speak English?" she asked him.

He shook his head back and forth quickly as trying to wake himself up. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realize you were real at first."

"Is there any way I can help you?" she asked.

"I'm just trying to get my bearings," he said.

"Is there some place specific you were looking for?" she asked him.

He just shook his head. "I don't really know yet," he said.

"Well," she said uncertainly. "I was just going to walk back to where I live."

"May I come with you," he asked. "Just until I figure out where I need to go next?"

"Sure," she said. "I don't see why not."

"Thanks," he said simply.

"I'm Shelley," she said as they started walking together. "What's your name?"

He looked surprised at the question. "Samuel," he said finally.

"Where do you come from?" she asked.

"Far away from here, I think," he said. He still looked dazed.

"Well, I've always lived here," she said, deciding to try and make him comfortable rather than questioning him further. "I like it here very much," she said. "I can't think of any reason why I would want to go anywhere else."

"That's wonderful," he said, looking at her admiringly. "So what do you do with your days, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I walk on the beach every morning and every evening," she said. "It gives me time to think about things. In between times, I live in a very modest little house that my grandmother left to me. I have a studio where I like to make things."

"What kinds of things do you make?" he asked, with what seemed like genuine interest.

"I guess you would call them pieces of art," she said. "Sometimes with things I find on the beach. Pictures, with natural materials glued on to add interest or depth, and sometimes collections of things in a diorama type setting. You'll just have to see, I guess." she said.

"I'd like that," he said.

"Do you mind if I ask, what is it that you do?" she asked.

"I fix things that are broken," he said.

"What kinds of things?" she asked.

"All kinds," he said.

It didn't seem like he wanted to say anything more, so they walked on in silence.

When they got to her cottage, she asked him if he had eaten. He said no, so she got him some food. After he had eaten, he asked if he could see her workshop. So she took him to a small outbuilding behind her little house. When he stepped inside, he gasped. The walls were covered with unique creations, just like she had described.

"What are you going to do with all of these?" he asked her.

"Do with them?" She looked surprised. "I have honestly never thought about that," she said. "I just like making them."

He looked around in awe. "This is amazing," he said. He really did seem truly impressed.

She was touched. "You can have one of them, if you like," she said almost shyly.

He walked around, studying certain pieces at length. Finally he selected one. "Can you part with this?" he asked.

She looked at the small piece of art he was holding, and her eyes teared up. It was a very simple creation, with pieces of driftwood in the shape of a cross being the central focus of the piece. Not much else, really, just contrasting colors of wood in the cross and the background and the frame. "That's one of my favorites," she said. "And you are welcome to it."

"Thanks," he said with a smile.

She liked that he didn't try to talk her out of it, even when she said it was one of her favorites.

"Do you mind if I watch you while you work?" he asked.

She found that she did not, and it surprised her greatly. "Sure," she said. "We can talk while I work, if you like. Or not," she said, glancing at him with a smile. "I really can go either way."

She sat down at her table where she had a work in progress. She was using her paints for this one. There was a shell that served as the center of the picture. Then she was painting swirls and shapes around it, making it look like it was the center of the universe somehow.

Very clever, thought Samuel, who seated himself in an alcove nearby that contained a rocking chair and a small table. It appeared to him that she probably sat here to take her rest in between working. He just sat and watched her work for a while. He noticed that she had taken the shell and set it aside since clearly it was not attached as of yet. Finally he spoke.

"What do you remember about your grandmother?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "she raised me, since my mother died when I was born and I never knew my father." Her voice started to sound husky. "My grandfather died before I was born, so it was just the two of us, right from the beginning. She had moved to this cottage with my grandfather so they could retire. But he didn't last long once they got here. She always told me she didn't know what she would have done with herself if I hadn't come along. So we just had each other. She had their retirement money, and then an insurance policy when my grandfather died. We always had a garden, and never wanted for money. Then when she died she left the cottage and her money to me, so I have been able to stay here in the place that I love. My grandmother gave herself to raising me and teaching me how to be self sufficient. And she taught me to love this place. So I have never felt like I had any reason to leave."

"That's a great heritage," he said. "Do you ever find that you get lonely?"

"Not really," she said. "I go into town once or twice a month and buy supplies. I'm always glad to get back home again," she said. "I know that my life probably sounds boring," she said, "but I like it."

"Your life sounds wonderful to me," he said. "I just wondered if you ever wished you could share it with someone else."

"I suppose so," she said, glancing up at him. "But I don't really want to have to worry about trying to make that happen. If I should meet someone one day who wanted to share my life with me, that would be great. But the truth is, I am content with things the way they are. I have other interests too, other than art. I like to work on music sometimes, and writing. I really do have enough to do to keep me busy," she finished.

"I don't doubt it," he said. "What about children? Do you ever think about sharing your life with one or more of them?"

"I don't know," she said. "I saw how much energy my grandmother put into raising me. She didn't really have much left over for other pursuits. Of course, she home schooled me as well, because of where we live."

"Of course," he said. "I just wondered."

"I don't really think that I need fixed, Samuel," she said, looking at him levelly.

"Am I that transparent?" he asked.

"That's okay," she said. "I kind of like it."

They smiled into one another's eyes. He stayed there all day, and she invited him to stay to dinner. When they had finished, it was time for her evening walk.

"Want to come?" she asked.

"It's tempting, but I should probably be going," he said.

"I have a cot, if you want to sleep in my workshop tonight," she said.
"Then I could take you into town tomorrow. If that's where you're going, that is," she said.

"I think it is," he said. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all."

And so they walked on the beach at sunset. When they got back to the house, they sat in front of a fire until it was quite late. Then she got him blankets and a pillow to take out into the workshop.

"Are you sure you want to sleep out there?" she asked him. "It might be warmer in the house."

He looked into her eyes. "I would love to stay in the house with you, Shelley," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. "But I don't think I will. I won't be far away," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead.

Shelley took a long while getting to sleep that night. She had never felt lonely before, and she felt slightly disgruntled. In the morning she fixed an elaborate breakfast, but he didn't seem to want to eat much. It was as if he was already gone, she thought. Finally, they set out. She always walked to town, and then would get a ride back if she had too much to carry with her, which she usually did. It was a good long, walk, for which she was thankful. She had a feeling she might not be seeing him again. She had never met anyone that she could actually envision living with before. Ever since her grandma died, she had been perfectly happy to be on her own. Now she realized that it might not be so bad to have somebody else around, after all. But she knew that she could not make this one stay. Clearly, he needed to go. Maybe he would be back, though. Just maybe.

When they got within sight of the town, he turned to her. "I want to thank you for everything," he said.

"I didn't do much," she said.

"You took me in," he said. "I'd say that's quite a lot."

He took her hand then, raised it to his lips, and kissed it. When he looked up, she saw with amazement that he had tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry I have to leave you, Shelley," he said. "I would like nothing better than to stay with you. But that is not why I came. I have other things I have to do."

"I understand," she said huskily. "I don't know why, but I really do," she said, smiling into his eyes.

"I want you to promise me one thing before I go," he said.

"What is it?"

"Promise me that you won't give up on people. That's all."

She nodded warily. "You're not going to tell me that there's someone out there for me, are you?" she asked him.

"No," he smiled. "I just don't want you to rule it out."

"Okay," she whispered.

And with that he was gone. Just like he had come. One minute he was there, and the next he was gone. She rubbed her eyes. It appeared that she hadn't been wrong the first time. He really did appear out of nowhere. If she hadn't dreamed the whole thing, that is. She pinched herself. Or hallucinated him, maybe? Maybe she had been spending too much time alone. She walked slowly back home without even entering the town. When she got back, she went into her workshop. There was an empty space on the wall, where the piece she had given to him had been. She looked at the cot, with the bedding neatly folded up where he had clearly left it. Then she went in the house and saw the remains of their breakfast together. Two plates, two cups. Then she sat down and cried. When she was done, she went out into her workshop and finished the piece she had been working on the day before. When it was done, she would hang it in the place where the one she had given him had been. It seemed appropriate, somehow.

write-in results

2008-11-04T17:26:00.000-08:00

So we needed to have 5001 words by the end of day 3 yesterday. Before the write-in I had less than 3500. After a little less than 2 hours spent writing fast & furiously with several other nanos, I had 5392 words. Woo-hoo!

I confess my energy is already beginning to lag. So if anyone out there has any words of encouragement at any time during this whole process, they would be greatly appreciated!

I'd love to stay & chat, but it's already 5:30, and I'm just sitting down to write for today.

Later!

and counting

2008-11-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

So I am a little bit behind on my word count for the month so far, but I think I'm doing okay. I went to Portland on Saturday, which was the first day of November, so I didn't get to write that day. But I wrote for most of the day yesterday, and made it to 2933 words. (Yay!)

Now tonight I am going to a write-in at Old World Deli. So I should get quite a few words in there. For those who are wondering, a write-in is where a bunch of Nanowrimos from the area get together for a couple of hours or so and everybody writes like crazy on their own personal laptops. There is something about the atmosphere which lends itself toward getting more than the average word count for the time spent.

Anyway, as soon as I have an excerpt that I think is good enough to share, I will do so!

It's that time of year again

2008-10-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

So it's that time of year again - National Novel Writing Month, that is. For the third year in a row, I am going to join others around the world who congregate together at a website called NaNoWriMo.org every November. Our joint motivation is to write a rough draft for a short novel (50,000 words) in one month's time.

Last year I actually completed a very rough draft, but I kind of consider what I have done so far as just practice. I have higher hopes for this year's attempt, however. For one thing, I have been doing some preparatory work this time. Previously, I have tried just winging it, thinking I would be able to write freestyle, like I do with poetry and music. But that didn't work so well for me. So this time, I have characters, a setting and an outline of sorts, so far.

Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know what I am doing, for the purpose of encouragement mostly, I guess. Also, I wanted to invite anyone who is interested to join me in this great writing endeavor, if they so wish! I actually have one writing buddy here in Corvallis so far. We are going to meet up as much as we can during the month and write together on our laptops at coffee shops, etc. We would welcome any company, either local or long distance. There are area write-ins, as well, with other Nanowrimos, but those are only once a week.

I will be posting excerpts on my blog, like I did last year, if anyone wants to check out what I'm writing, specifically.

Talk soon!

Linda

Housekeeping

2008-10-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

I just got a new book in the mail this week, since I always manage to make room in my budget for coffee, books, & movies, I guess.

Anyway, the book is called "Home", & it is by Marilyn Robinson, who is fast becoming one of my favorite authors. She wrote a book called "Housekeeping", which I have read a couple of times in the past. Then she wrote "Gilead", which I bought, but kind of lost in the displacement of moving. And now there is this third book sitting on my desk, but I think it follows the second book she wrote, which I can't find. So I went to the library to find it, (rather than going through boxes in my storage area, which I know sounds incredibly lazy, but I am just not ready to deal with doing that yet, I suppose). They did not have "Gilead", so I put a reserve on it, & checked out "Housekeeping" to read yet again in the meantime.

Now, there are a lot of books & movies in the world, & I don't usually reread or rewatch anything more than once, unless it is really exceptional. So I just have to say that "Housekeeping" is that kind of book; & I kind of think all of her books are going to be like that. I discovered things in this reading that I missed the first couple of times through. It is the kind of book you just have to slow down for, like poetry or music.

So Marilyn Robinson's words are beautifully fluid, like poetry or music. But what has lingered for me is the message of those words. And, if truth be told, I am sure that message has layers & layers. Because it is almost as if she wrote all unconsciously, & what we are uncovering actually comes from her subconsciousness. This may not in fact be true, of course. It may be that she intended to say everything that is there, both on the surface & otherwise, & it may be that it is simply her genius that makes it seem all unconscious. Her writing is no less great in either case, in my opinion.

I realize that what I am reacting to in part is that which seems to be inherent in all great art. That is, what this particular work brings up in me about myself, or my own particular feelings or beliefs or life experiences.

Having said all that, one of the great themes of this book that keeps going round & round in my mind seems to have to do with the excruciating importance of conformity in our society. Not only that, but the potentially dire consequences of non compliance. That is what I got out of this most recent reading, anyway. I won't say more than that, because I think everyone should read this book for themselves.

I finished "Housekeeping" yesterday, & began reading "Gilead" today. I can tell it is going to be every bit as rich. The language is wonderful, & the stories are alternately funny & heart wrenching so far. I have not yet uncovered any great underlying themes, but I am certain that it is only a matter of time before those become apparent.

Over & out.

Not so street smart anymore

2008-09-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

So I made a job related trip to the great metropolis of Portland yesterday. I had to pick up a client at the Greyhound bus station downtown. An easy enough task, right?

Well, for starters, I had to refresh myself as to the directions. Back when I was married, I simply would have asked my then time husband, & he would have filled me in on the best way to get there. Then when I was no longer married, I would ask my father, who was also pretty good at getting me anywhere I might want to go. Since he is gone now, I have tried on occasion to ask one of my two sons, but they don't seem to be as patient or accommodating as their predecessors were. So I decided the time had come for me to figure things out for myself. Therefore, I logged on to that trusty site called Map Quest. I will say it got me to the proper exit off the freeway, but that's about it. Somehow, I don't think the computer takes into account the easiest way to arrive at a destination. So, of course, once I got downtown, I was fairly hopelessly lost. After wandering around some in my noisy pickup, I finally got pointed in what I figured was the right direction. I will say that I had to resort to something that I usually avoid at any cost, as anyone who knows me well will vouch for. I asked a stranger for directions. Of course, at that point I was almost there (naturally!)

Anyway, as I traversed the final blocks toward the bus station, I found myself behind a couple of policemen on horseback, of all things! They seemed to be in no hurry whatsoever, nor did they seem to mind me putt putting along behind. The pickup, however, did not seem to like the arrangement so much, as I had to keep shifting, & the gears began to grind. Now, I am not sure if that was my fault because I was beginning to be rattled, or if it was the truck's way of protesting. Finally, I noticed that other cars were passing the policemen in a lane to the left that did not look to me like we were supposed to be driving in it. But I finally decided to go for it.

As I pulled into Union Station, some guy that I supposed to be a parking attendant directed me into an empty space. As I was preparing to get out he came over and told me it cost $7.00 to park there. I really didn't see any alternative, so I forked it over. However, as I was crossing the street I noticed some people going up to a machine at the curb & getting a ticket. The guy from the parking lot came over & told me they were paying by credit card. So I proceeded uneasily into what I thought was the bus station. Of course, as soon as I got in there, I realized it was a train station instead.

I looked around for someone to ask, but there was no one. The information booth was empty. There were two long lines of people waiting for tickets & luggage. Finally, I ambled over to Security. I asked a lady there, & she told me the Greyhound station was only about a block away. Then I asked her if it was supposed to cost $7.00 for parking, and told her about the guy in the parking lot. She said no, and that I should never give anyone like that money (!) Of course, when we went back outside, he was long gone.

So I got back in my pickup rather than have to pay more than I already had to stay parked there, and drove the block or so to the bus station. When I got there, of course the parking was free!

I have to tell you, when I finally went into the bus station to wait for the lady I was there to meet, I was ready to tell her in no uncertain terms that under no circumstances would I ever be able to do this again. She travels out of state by bus 2 or 3 times a year, and I was honestly going to tell her that 5 hour layover or not, she would just have to ride all the way through to Albany next time. But she was so happy to see me when she came off the bus which she had been on since she left Colorado the day before, she was crying and hugged me for about five minutes. So of course, I told her no such thing.

As I left Portland, I realized that it has been some time since I lived there & was able to find the freeway fairly easily by just driving around some. After a few false starts, we were finally heading out of town. And I know I complain quite a bit about still being stuck here in Corvallis, but I have to say it has never looked so good as it did by the time I finally got home.

That is not to say that I don't still want to move back to Portland when I can. But I think that maybe when I do I will stick to the parts of town I know, and that I will not live anywhere that is even remotely near the downtown area.

this thing called writing

2008-08-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot has happened for me this year, as anyone who knows me can attest to. First of all, my mom went into a nursing home at the end of February; and my life which had felt like it was in some kind of holding pattern for so long went into fast forward. When all that happened, I just stopped blogging. So it's good to be back.

I have to say, though, I have just passed through some of the most challenging days I have ever experienced. Being in such close proximity to my mom for so long by living with her, I felt extremely close to her as she went through the final days of her life in Corvallis Manor. And then of course spending her final day alone with her was a blessing, to be sure, but also infinitely sad.

In the midst of my mom's passing, I was selling her things and moving out of the trailer that we lived in for three years. After getting through that and the funeral, it was time to look ahead to Amber's wedding. And the making of the dress. Which I welcomed. But first one more trial. After moving in with a friend in Albany, I had to move right back out again, all the while trying to work on the dress.

In the end, of course, it all worked out. I got moved into a new apartment the week before Amber came to stay with me the week before her wedding. And I got the dress done. And the wedding was beautiful.

And I got my old job back (yay) so I could afford my new apartment. And I am sure I will be on an even keel financially eventually, too. But it has been very hard, I won't say it hasn't.

I guess one of the best things that has come of all of the changes for me is that where I am living now (among other things) seems to be in a very good place for writing. So I am doing more of that again. Which is the point of this blog - both to catch up in time spent away from writing, and also to announce my return. I hope you will accept this offering in the spirit in which it is intended, and rejoice with me for being able to get back to pursuing this thing called writing.

Clean sweep

2008-03-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Not sure how to put this into words, but I'll try. Lately I have been thinking some about my strategy for putting the house into order, now that Mom is in a nursing home. I have been leaning toward the method where you take everything out of a room, & then put things back the way you want them. Whatever is left over doesn't get to go back into the room. This makes sense, because if you keep the things that don't really fit, everything ends up turning back into chaos eventually. So that is what I am going to do with the house. I have been saying for some time that we need to get rid of at least half of our stuff. And I don't think that is overstating things at all. If anything, it may well be an understatement.

Here's the part I don't quite know how to say. I was thinking this week about some things that I don't really believe anymore. Beliefs I need to discard. And it occurred to me that I could make a clean sweep of my mind in the same way that I can make one of my house (or my computer, etc.). I need to let go of the things that may be familiar, but that I know are wrong just the same. Beliefs, habits, conventionalities, whatever. Same with finances. Pay off the credit cards, loans, old bills, & thereby get rid of them. Shed the excess weight. Get rid of all of that unnecessary food. That now unneeded land line. Cable.

So, in other words, I guess I am saying that I realized I not only need to clean house physically, but metaphorically as well. Not only do I need to clean up my physical environment, but my life as well. It's like cleaning house is symbolic of the bigger picture.

Good grief!

2008-01-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

I recently filled out one of those on line questionnaires to find out which cartoon character I am supposed to be most like, & the answer was supposedly Charlie Brown. I am not sure exactly how I am like Charlie Brown. Maybe other people can see it more clearly. Although I do have to admit, I have always said "Good grief" kind of a lot. All I know is, I have always thought Betty Boop was kind of cool. She, however, was not one of the options on this particular quiz.

Anyway, the point of this little group of words is, I cannot believe how time marches on. I did not send out any Christmas cards this year, since I was kind of non stop busy during the holidays, even though I tried hard not to be. So I was going to send out a New Year's greeting instead. Again, that was a great idea, but it just didn't happen. So now I find most of January already gone, & I want to say, "Hold on just a minute! I just wanted to do this one thing, can't you please wait? But no, I guess not."

So it looks like I will just have to jump in mid-stream, so to speak, & write a semi-New Year's greeting, or nothing at all. Which is what I am going to do. As somebody once said, "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing imperfectly."

I don't know about anybody else, but I am always kind of big on New Year's Resolutions. Only, for me, it's more like goal setting. The new year just seems like a good time to do that, for me. So this year, I spent a day or two working out my goals for the year. I think I ended up with a list of about seven things. Okay, I just looked it up, & it is seven things exactly. And, so far I am implementing about three of those things, which I think is a pretty good start. In fact, I'm making strides in two other areas as well. I mean, seven is kind of a lofty number, so I'm happy.

So anyway, to get to the point, I always feel a resurgence of hope at this time of year. I guess because a new year feels kind of like a clean slate. But whenever I have thought about this particular year, I have felt more than a usual amount of hope. And, like I shared with the small group that has been meeting in my son, Joseph's home every other Sunday afternoon, I believe the Lord has been saying that this will be a year for coming out of the wilderness for many of us.

And, for those who are open to that concept, there's more. I have also felt like the Lord is saying that this will be a year of untold blessing for those who are willing to let go of what they know & not only receive but embrace what is new.

So, sensing that this season we refer to as the wilderness is coming to an end, & that as I let go of things I have known & receive what is new I will be showered with blessings - these are reasons enough for me to be flooded with hope this year, as I am. And I am writing this in hopes that you will be too.

God bless!

Linda Culbertson

Reflections

2007-12-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Mid-December this year finds me working about 3/4 time at a job for which I am actually quite grateful. It's not glamorous; but it allows me a lot of flexibility, & I get to go about my business without someone breathing down my neck all of the time. And the pay ain't bad, either. So I am gradually getting caught up on finances, & hope to be making some actual progress in that arena before too long. For that I am grateful.

As to my mom's health, all I can say is that her spirit is very strong. But her body is growing very weak. She does okay when she can stay pretty close to home.

In looking back, I realized that one thing has changed since earlier this year. That is, I have decided to focus on writing in my spare time instead of making bags. I realized during the novel writing month that this is what I really want to do. If I didn't have to work I could make bags too. But sometimes it seems like we just have to choose just what we are going to concentrate on.

I have been thinking a lot about a quote of unknown origin lately: "You can do (or have) anything you want. You just can't do everything you want. (At least not at the same time)."

Anyway, that is rather loosely translated. But true, right?

On & On Anon

2007-12-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

I just came from a meeting with a friend, Ruth, whom I dearly love. Whenever we get together I think I can honestly say that our interchange is about as close as it comes to an equal amount of give & take conversation wise. And that, I have found, is oh, so rare. Appropriately, I wrote the following entry in my journal about a week & a half ago.

"People like to hear themselves talk, I've found. A lot of people seem to like me, I think because I ask them about themselves, and then they get to talk. Every great once in a while, though, people ask me about myself. Those are the ones I want to keep as friends.

People who talk too much generally do not show themselves to be wise. I try not to talk too much, as a rule. And it seems like others tend to defer to me. I wonder if that's why?

Or maybe it's just my growing crop of gray hairs. I try to pull out the more obvious ones when in front of the mirror each morning, but I have to admit it is getting to be a daunting project. So it would seem I am developing my own little halo of wisdom.

I went to a writer's group recently, & I thought most of them talked way too much about their writing. I just don't think that is a good thing. It seems to me that talking decreases the necessity to write."

Novel post

2007-12-01T17:12:00.001-08:00

She first noticed the latest phenomenon while waiting in line at the coffee shop. When she got to the front of the line to place her order, she looked up into the face of a six year old boy. She looked around to see if this was a joke, but nobody else seemed at all surprised by the fact that the current bistro on duty was barely old enough to be in school. She decided to go ahead and order her coffee and see what would happen next. The child punched her order into the cash register with a small frown, all the while perched on a tall stool so as to be able to reach. When he told her the total, his voice was deep, and she realized that she was not really seeing him as he would appear now. As she walked away with her coffee, she glanced back and saw a young man with a beard where the boy had been.

It was hard to figure what to do with this latest. She decided to bide her time and see if she could figure out what to make of it all. Watch and wait. Observe.

It was happening all of the time now. With her professors, other students, people on the streets, in stores and restaurants. The world was filled with little people. Her rhetoric teacher came to school dressed as a cowboy, and he kept taking his toy gun out of its holster and play shooting at people when he didn't like their responses in class. It was very distracting. The girl at the next table in the cafeteria had brought her doll with her to lunch, and she was play feeding her with a child's tea set between bites of her own sandwich.

She went to a book signing to see one of her favorite authors, who ended up looking like Shirley Temple, straight off "The Good Ship Lollipop". It was becoming difficult to function out in society.

Looking forward to one more year of this until she got her Master's degree started seeming like a long time. Summer was a welcome escape. She gave up her apartment for the summer and went home to spend some time with her father.

“Hello, dear,” he said when she walked in the door. “I hope you're hungry. I'm barbecuing out on the patio,” he said, brandishing the over sized tongs he'd come in to get, which looked pretty comical in his child sized fingers. He came over to give her a peck on the cheek, and she had to lean down to receive it. After dinner she excused herself and went into her room, where she shut the door and buried her face in the pillow on her bed to stifle a case of hysterical giggles which had been coming on for the last half hour or so. It was pretty weird seeing her own father as an eight year old boy, as far as she could tell. He had been so proud of himself, too, serving her the barbecued steak and salad he had prepared. It was heartbreakingly sweet, actually. She wondered how long this was going to continue.

Book excerpt

2007-11-07T19:37:00.001-08:00

The first time it happened she was sitting across from her future husband. He just

didn't know it yet. He was a history major, and he was going on and on aboutdiffering world views, and how they affected different societies. As she was watching his mouth, noticing how naked his upper lip looked since he shaved off his mustache, things about him started to change, right before her eyes. His hairline started receding, and he started growing those bags under his eyes that one usually associates with a heavy drinker. As she stared, she knew that she was seeing him as he would look in 30 years, while lecturing a class he was teaching. Stuffy, paunchy, boring, disillusioned even with himself, yet still droning on about his latest intellectual discovery, which he in turn was inflicting on his listeners. Somehow, knowing how he was going to turn out kind of
took the edge off the relationship. Sylvia never saw him again after that night.

Quest for words

2007-10-22T17:29:00.001-07:00

So I think I have decided to do something a little crazy. Surprise, surprise; right?

Anyway, I tried to do something this time last year, but didn't want to commit myself just in case it didn't work out. And so, it didn't. As a result, I guess I will jump in with both feet this year.

Here it is. Last year I read three books on writing, the third one being a book by Chris Baty, called No Plot, No Problem. He outlines a plan in his book for writing a short novel in 30 days. Long story short, this book has spawned a website, NaNoWriMo.com, which stands for National Novel Writing Month. The appointed month is November, when aspiring novelists everywhere take a stab at writing 50,000 words in 30 days.

I attempted to do this last year, but didn't let very many people know what I was doing just in case I didn't make it. So I only wrote 10,000 words. And I never did finish what I wrote, because it didn't feel like it was working. But I'd like to try again this year.

So I am letting it be known to anyone who reads this blog that I am going for it. I guess you can wish me luck or cheer me on or whatever you want to do.

Oh, and if anyone wants to join me in my novel writing quest, please feel free to come along.

Thanks!

Cell

2007-09-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

So I read this kind of crazy book by Stephen King this past year, entitled "Cell". It's sometimes hard to say what exactly his books are about; but I think it was about some kind of recorded alien virus that people heard when they picked up their cell phones. Kind of a crazy concept, but kind of scary too.

Anyway, I do know that I am probably a little too attached to my cell phone. And I also know that it's probably good for me to do without it for a little while. I do have to admit that it is kind of freeing. And yes, it is also like going through withdrawal.

So my cell phone bit the dust over Labor Day weekend. Then I had to wait to order a new one until this week. And then I had to go through a couple of days of negotiations with the company before I finally talked to someone who offered me a deal on a new phone that I could live with, without having to virtually sign my life away.

I should be up and running by early next week. I do have to say that I think I might do a few things differently now. I mean, other people often leave their phones off or in the car, & then get back to you later when you call. But I almost never do. Sometimes I don't hear the phone for various reasons (like because I left it on silent).

I do think I might try leaving it off now & then in the future. Maybe I'll even leave it in the car on purpose. I'm sure people won't mind waiting for me to get back to them....right? The alternative is, it's kind of like always being alert for the cries of a child in the next room. And I think maybe that is asking a bit too much.

Rant

2007-09-05T15:21:00.001-07:00

All I can figure is, listening must be coming to be a lost art. I mean, I consider myself to be a pretty good listener. And it seems like people tend to seek me out to be listened to. Which I really do not mind. I think it is important to listen to people.

But what usually happens is, whenever I am talking to someone, as soon as I start to do the talking, they start to drift off. First their eyes will glaze over, then they will start looking around restlessly. I mean, good grief! I guess I kind of thought the term relationship referred to a give and take kind of deal. But, to be honest, I find all manner of people who want to be listened to, and almost no one who wants to listen. And it is starting to bug me so much that I just felt like I had to write about it a little bit. I guess that is part of the attraction of writing for me. I don't know if anyone out there is really listening or not. But at least I feel like I can have my say. For once.

Going for It

2007-08-15T17:58:00.001-07:00

In some ways, things haven't changed all that much since the last time I wrote. And yet, they have.

So after much prayer & deliberation, I ended up taking a very part time care giving job. It pays just enough to make it so I won't have to worry about paying what I need to pay every month.

Meanwhile, I have decided to focus on getting my bag business up & running again. I have had nothing but confirmation about this, so I am feeling like it must be a pretty good idea to do it. I had been close to giving up on it, but then during all my prayer & deliberation, I realized of all of the business options it was the one I most wanted to do. And, what do you know, just about everyone else seems to think so too! So I am going for it.

Meanwhile, my mom's health is gradually worsening. So I'm here, which seems to be the important part. She is a real fighter, so she is definitely not giving up or giving in. But it is all proving to be quite stressful for us right now.

Angst

2007-07-14T15:12:00.001-07:00

So I was really, violently ill on Tuesday night this week, all night long. And, being the excessively introspective sort that I am, I was trying to figure out why I may have gotten sick at this particular point in time. What came to mind was the way I have heard the origin of the word "disease" described in the past. It's easier to see when you divide the word into syllables: dis-ease. So I looked it up, and sure enough, one meaning of the word is "lack of ease" or "trouble". That fits for me, because I find I tend to get sick when all is not well in my world.

So what, you might ask, can the matter be? Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess you could take your pick. First of all, my mother's health is failing. The doctor took her off of her current schedule of chemotherapy because it doesn't seem to be working. Which is frustrating, because she has had her share of side effects from it. And now he is planning to put her on a different variety. So that is hard, and somewhat anxiety inducing.

Meanwhile, and somewhat related to that, my own personal finances are becoming somewhat dire. Making sure my mother is taken care of is taking up more and more of my time, and partially because of that and for other personal reasons as well, I have not gotten another job since my last caregiving job ended. I have been trying to find something I can do at home - preferably something more lucrative than my bag making business. But it has proven rather time consuming trying to get something set up, and as my dental loan nears 30 days past due, & I try to juggle credit card payments, I find myself living with various physical ailments like chronic stomach pain, etc.

So I get it. Dis-ease.

So how to channel all of this insight in a positive way? I don't know for sure. I mean, I have lots of ideas. One is to heed the warning that actual sickness is giving me. I need to keep working on finding something I can do while taking care of my mom at the same time, and not let up until I find it, I think.

I know this is kind of a downer, but I kept wanting to write something else, and then someone even asked me this week, "So where are the blogs?" So, here you go. This is where I'm at. Moving on to what's ahead. Any insights from out there are always welcome.

Over and out.

Signing in

2007-06-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

So this is my first blog - other than one on myspace which I don't know if anyone has ever read. Maybe someone can help me figure how to attach a picture to my profile for this blog in the future, like first Ruth and then Joseph helped me with on myspace.

I am creating this blog so I can respond to blogs my daughter Amber writes from the road this summer.

On the subject of roadtrips, which I figure is as good a place to start as any, travelling across the country in my new camper van which I hope to have someday is a long standing dream of mine. I know a few other things have to happen before that becomes a reality, but it is something I hope to be able to do one day.

As for today, I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop doing some reading and writing. So I guess that is about the extent of my travels for now.

Although I did visit my friend Carol in McMinnville yesterday, which was a fun way to spend another momentous birthday. We had Thai food and went to see Evan Almighty.

Oh, and Amber and I travelled to the coast on Monday with my mom before Amber had to head back to Idaho. My mom said it was the nicest day weather wise she remembered spending at the coast. So that was fun.

I also travelled to Portland on Sunday with Amber to take Jeremiah back home after all of the wedding festivities, and to return a car to my good friends Bryan and Ruth, which they let me use while ours was on the fritz.

So I do what I can when it comes to travelling. But I do dream about hitting the road for real someday. Last time I tried that I guess it was too soon, since I got called back to Oregon after a few months.

Then there's the whole aspect of travelling in the spirit. But I guess that's a subject for another day